Sunday, August 24, 2014

The Grand Pixie

I, in my 23 years of life (not including a strange mushroom cut I bore when I was in 5th grade) have never had short hair. At the beginning of summer a very important relationship was ending and many changes were occurring in my life, and I thought a haircut was just the thing. I opted for an inverted bob, which I adored. It was the first time I had ever left a hairstylists chair feeling confident and loving what I saw. A couple of weeks ago, I was itching for a trim and instead of waiting for my usual hairstylist (who was fully booked) I went to someone unfamiliar and unfortunately ended up with what was (in my opinion) the worst haircut I had ever seen. I may have over dramatized a little bit but I was still very unhappy. A friend of mine graciously offered to fix it for me, but said the only direction we could go was shorter. I was devastated. I ended up with a pixie cut, which was so much better than the strange beehive/grandmother do that I had the day before, but I am still having a very difficult time adjusting to short hair. I am in the process of growing out my pixie, which has been kind to me in many ways, but I have been warned of the awkward stages I am about to endure. 
Bring on the change of seasons and copious amounts of hats! 

Thanks to my friend Robyn, who took some lovely photos to help boost my pixie confidence.

"Be easy. Take your time. You are coming home to yourself." 

Friday, July 25, 2014

My Weight Gain Struggle

I had no intentions of writing this post. Once the idea came, I wrestled with it for a few days, asking myself if it would be beneficial to anyone (including myself), or necessary; but after the 90 millionth "eat a burger" comment I received today, I decided that it was. 
I am not an avid blogger, but I have been a member of the blogging community for a few years. I frequently fashion blogged while I was living in Montreal, but chose not to share with my friends and family because I was insecure. Truthfully I genuinely enjoyed the hobby, but completely stopped altogether because of the issue I am about to address. 

Bear with me, I have always been a thin framed girl. At my heaviest in 2011 while living in Montreal, I weighed 120lbs. For me that was a tad beyond my comfort zone, which was my own problem because I ate like 3 packages of Smarties a day. In high school I fluctuated between 105-110lbs (my comfort zone) although I wore an XXL large grey sweater practically every day so you probably didn't even notice. 

Over the last year I have drastically and very quickly dropped over 30lbs unintentionally. Seeing yourself in the mirror every day it is often hard to make the comparison or see a difference. It wasn't until I started visiting home and seeing the worried looks on the faces of my friends and families that I started to realize it was a problem.
Over the last six months it has caused me an uncomfortable amount of anxiety to visit home or go out in public because I assumed people were judging me. There were numerous times where I would post a photo of myself to Facebook and immediately take it down.  

I understood that my loved ones were genuinely concerned. Also I understood that others were concerned purely for the sake of gossip.

Many of my clients started referring to me only as "that skinny girl" or "the toothpick". 
I have been accused on numerous occasions of being anorexic or bulimic, and had people watch me after meals to make sure I didn't make a trip to the bathroom. 
If I had a dollar for every time I have been told to "eat a burger" or asked, "do you eat anything?" I would be as rich as J.K Rowling. 
One of the most frustrating parts about this is that I genuinely love food. I have a passion for cooking and trying different recipes, I love restaurants, and have never looked at the calorie intake on the back of anything. 
The first doctor visit I made to discuss the issue he told me that "I was lucky to be so thin" and to stop complaining, shoved some depression pills down my throat and sent me on my merry way. (These made me lose more weight, by the way.) I have had several blood tests done hoping that it was a thyroid issue, an iron issue, a SOMETHING issue just so I could give people a diagnosis and quiet the noise. 

Last week I weighed myself soaking wet from the shower and was under 90lbs. My immune system is low, I have very little energy and chronic fatigue. I also realize that being this thin at 23 can cause fertility issues, osteoporosis, and is not easy on your organs. I am going to be seeing a nutritionalist and working on trumping the anxiety issues.  

I have recently been told that I am "unattractively thin", "grossly underweight" and that I "used to be pretty." As a girl who has struggled with self-esteem and body image issues her entire life to begin with, there are days when it is difficult for me to leave the house. How can I like what I see when I am made aware that other people do not? 
I am not fishing for any kind of sympathy or compliments, and this was a difficult post for me to write. I am merely suggesting that a little compassion goes a long way. Telling a skinny person any of the above things is on the same level as telling someone who is overweight that they are fat. It's kind of rude. And believe me, we are aware, we don't need you to let us know. We appreciate your concern, but tread lightly my friends, because sometimes (like in my case) we are not in control of it. 

Thursday, April 24, 2014

A New Little Home

At the beginning of April I moved into a new apartment. 
To say it was a big deal would be an understatement. I wasn't moving to a new city or away from my friends, but I was going to be living alone for the first time without roommates or relationships, and fully responsible for myself and a little furry cat. I was fortunate enough to have great friends and family who helped fill my space and make sure that I was going to be comfortable and content. 

I have been in my humble little home for just over three weeks now, and it is already very special to me. It is full of natural light, old charm, and cozy when it rains. I decided not to have a television and significantly cut back on my computer time, and I find that I am going to bed much earlier and reading more- two things I had desperately been wanting to do. I am looking forward to adding more of myself to this place over time, and doing a few touch ups and small renovations. 

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Stir Crazy

Every year when winter hits us, I start to go stir crazy. By this time, I have usually lost my mind. This winter is no different, I find myself wanting to sleep in later and having to drag myself out of bed for work each day.
I am so thankful for loved ones, friends, little critters, bad reality television, wine and warm winter sheets. I have distracted myself a fair bit with random spurts of yoga, get-togethers, hair appointments, writing, and a trip to the mall here and there to satisfy my lust for material objects.

My latest excursion was guilt-free as it was a gift. I purchased a new faux-leather black bag from H&M, an ACO wrist watch, and a funky pair of springtime patterned pants.
(ps. I find that the photos my handsome cat jumps into unexpectedly end up being my favorites!)

Monday, December 30, 2013

Two New Things

I am currently on day three of seven in my Florida vacation, and loving every minute. Florida has been one of my absolute favorite vacation spots ever since I was a wee one, and I have been fortunate to make it back here numerous times. There is something about the warm breezes and slow paced retirement lifestyle that speaks to my 90 year old withered soul. Send me to a beach dotted with sleeping elderlies and littered with seashells, and I will kick off my flats and laze away the afternoon with content.
One of the things I was looking forward to most during this trip (besides great food and even better company) was to test out my new tripod. I received it a few weeks before Christmas but due to the fact that New Brunswick currently resides at a temperature of about -30 and I hate the cold, I had not used it. I bought this red velvet cloche hat that I was dying to photograph, so this afternoon I took advantage of a quiet property while everyone was out golfing, and took my first ever tripod photos. Needless to say I am in dire need of figuring out how to work my angles and straighten things out a bit, but it is trial and error and I can only improve on my technique! (Hopefully..)


Friday, December 13, 2013

Toby Kitten

Nearly two weeks ago we welcomed this little rascal into our home.
He is a ball of vibrant energy during the day and a snuggle sleeper at night, and also he will eat anything. Toby is three months old and adopted from our local SPCA. Always considering myself a dog person, he is my first experience with a kitten and the first four days I had quite a rough go of adapting my home to him and reminding myself to possess the patience that he deserved. He is such a loveable little guy when he is not sabotaging my bubble baths and jumping from dark crevices to attack my legs in the dead of night. He is seriously handsome and sleeps with his paws resting on my cheek- how cute is that?!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Fall in Instagram

I am a pretty huge fan of instagram, and of following not only friends and family members, but also bloggers that I love. Since I have been missing in action from blogging the last little while, I thought I'd throw together an instagram collage of my fall in a nutshell. In greater news- I was recently given a tripod as a little pre-Christmas amp up from Amanda. In my mind (hopefully) this means that I can slowly become one of those admired bloggers who take brave selfies in public places.
1. an attempted photo-shoot with my friends new(ish) puppy.
2. cool, crisp fall mornings- my favorite.
3. afternoon french vanilla to get me through a shift.
4. thankgiving centrepiece.
5. welcomed by an unfamiliar bed.
6. healthier snacks than the alternatives in my cupboard.
7. treated myself to a new charles bukowski book.
8. halifax public gardens exploration.
9. precious time with my little ladybug.

instagram: cassidyydawn

Saturday, October 19, 2013

A visit in boots

The 2.5 days I traveled home to visit my family for Thanksgiving this year seemed too short. With a work schedule that keeps me tied up 50-60 hours out of each week, it was a welcome break but still it never feels as relaxing as I would hope. I am always scurrying around trying to squeeze in a visit with everyone and making sure I delegate my time evenly, and for my scurrying this year I purchased these light brown fall boots for the occasion. Boots are basically the only things I wear from September-April, so I like to make sure I have ones that are comfortable, are suitable for my everyday run around wear, and lots of different colors!

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my fellow Canadian bloggers! 
I was fortunate enough to have the weekend off so that I could head home and spend the holiday with my family. I have been feeling lately that my life has been consumed with work and nothing else, and missing them a little bit more. I often take for granted just how special our time together is, but was able to get everyone to sit still (sort of) long enough to snap a few family photos.

These are just a couple of my favorites!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Fall Food

I recently had a day to myself, and I spent a good portion of it recruiting recipes and compiling a large (for me) grocery list. I had been wanting to devote an evening to making a few bulk meals to freeze, and there is no better time of year than fall to bring out the dusty crock pot and take advantage of the fresh, local produce. I did my share of research on the pros and cons of frozen meals, and found that most food bloggers prepared the ingredients to freeze but left the meals uncooked. This completely defied the point of my mission, which was to have easy, individual meals to grab and heat up for work for both Amanda and I.

That being said, the three meals I choose for this month were:

  • Crock pot beef stew
  • Oven baked lasagna
  • Stove-top broccoli and cheddar soup
These meals were fully cooked before individually freezing, and because of their cooking locations- simultaneously!  It only took one devoted afternoon to prepare almost 30 homemade, yummy meals for around 100 dollars. This equaled out to about $3.50 a meal, plus homemade rolls for each!

happy fall!